Title: That Faraway Dream
Characters/Pairing: Sho/OC
Genre: Romance, angst
Rating: PG
Length: 1,991 words
Summary: He may have found that inspiration.
Disclaimer: Do NOT own anything.
Author's Note: The last in my "Arashi + Song" fiction series. Based (very loosely) from Yume De Ii Kara. It's basically an experiment again. I hope you enjoy this even if it's a bit different from all the things I've written so far. :)

And remember, comments are love! ♥


Law class, Senior Year. I somehow hated this class. My mother always told me to love every class I ever enrolled in – even if it’s not directly related to my field – because I was privileged to learn about those. But sometimes, when you become a favorite of my professor in Law Class, senior year, you start to think that you are one of those unfortunate ones.

That’s exactly how I felt whenever I attended this class. Since practically majority of my classmates either knew who exactly I was or who my father exactly was, undoubtedly most of my professors knew that fact too. And my mother being a university professor herself did not help at all. Because of all this, Aono-sensei always called my attention only on two events, for some odd reason I couldn’t figure out: either when I was not paying attention or when I did not know the answer to his question (but I was listening!). My friends made fun of me for being so unfortunate, not that Aono-sensei was a terror professor. Let’s just say sometimes he had this habit of embarrassing his favorite by telling personal stories about them.

“Sakurai-san,” Aono-sensei called me this time when I was almost ready to fall asleep. “How will the court rule against this three-year ex-convict?”

My eyes shot open, and I could feel my face starting to turn red. I pretended to be smart with my answer. “Er, not guilty?” It would be so typical to think otherwise, right?

“Eh~ Sho-san,” my seatmate called out. “He already said the defendant was obviously guilty. He was just clearing it out with the class.”

“Eh?!” I panicked, completely embarrassed. Most of my classmates laughed, only a few were like me, apparently not listening to this old man. “I’m very sorry, Sensei!”

“Oh my,” Aono-sensei walked slowly towards my side. I was sure I would be reprimanded. “I thought being Sakurai-san’s son would make you instantly attentive, my boy. Take Yamamoto Rina-san’s case for example. Her father used to be the Secretary of State, didn’t he?”

The one he just referred to was the running valedictorian in our batch, Rina-chan. I could certainly understand why she was like that – I heard from Tsubasa-kun (yes, the one from Tackey & Tsubasa) that her father was very strict – and I also could understand, even if it’s too embarrassing at times, why people often compared us.

And that’s aside from the fact that I had actually admired ever since.

I realize I’m not as romantic as MatsuJun, or as charming as Nino, so actually how I showed my admiration to her was just quite on a friendship level. Sometimes we hanged-out, usually in groups, never alone. Since it’s hard to be romantic when you don’t know how to, most of the time I got all nervous around her and I didn't know what to talk about.

So one could say that I was involved in a one-way type of relationship. I was never the type to take such things seriously, but sometimes, emotions could get the best of you. My heart thumped hard every time she passed by my table, whenever she said ‘Hello’ or ‘Good morning’… for some reason, my usual confidence just quivered into something I couldn’t quite understand. And sometimes, I just wanted to know if she felt the same way.

“Sakurai-kun,” she once called my attention, when I was rewriting my notes in Accounting. “Have you got some time?”

“E-Eh?” I was certainly caught off guard. She seldom approached me for anything. “Y-Yeah, sure.”

“I’ll just look into the notes you’re writing,” Rina uttered, seeming very casual. I thought she was going to ask me to accompany her for lunch or something, since she asked to spare a few moments of my time. I knew it was too much to ask, but really. Besides, it’s not that bad to dream, right?

Simply dreaming had taken its toll against me. Unfortunately, over time, I slowly realized how impossible my dream situation with her was – not just because I’m an idol – but also because I never saw that she had any interest in me. Despite the constant communication between us, the Hi’s, the Good Morning’s and the “That’s nice” kind of comments, there were nothing much more to us than just being mere acquaintances.

And the worse thing for me was… I kept on hoping that she would talk to me all the time. I kept on thinking there was still a way for us to be more than what we really were. I kept on believing things would change for the better between us.

And so, my belief still stands: I guess that’s the problem with emotions.

I had tried as much as I could to tolerate what these so-called feelings brought against me. I pretended that I didn’t care most of the time, that it was not a big deal anyway, that I was not having those feelings of affection towards her, at all. None whatsoever.

“U-Uh, Rina-san…” However, there were times when I felt so weird and awkward around her, even if I was just wondering about something (and was itching to ask her about it). “Have you finished Yamaguchi-sensei’s homework in Economics?” I asked that because I had been cramming on it the night before. I was gawkily standing beside her, while she was comfortably sitting at her desk.

“Um, not yet,” she shook her head, seemingly busy with her reading. “How about you, Sakurai-kun?”

“N-No, not yet either,” I looked everywhere but at her. I felt my throat dry up. Why the hell didn’t my body cooperate with me? Why did it have to side with what I was feeling? Because of that, my chance of having a decent conversation with her abruptly ceased, just like that.

It felt like a distant dream that I knew I wouldn’t be able to reach easily. I wanted to wake up. But ironically, a little part of me wanted this dream to continue, even if it deemed to be hard for me. Somehow, I had hope that it would continue. Besides, we still got a few more months before we graduated.

I realized that this dream would be better if I’d be able to capture her heart.

Soon after, that night, I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote… all the feelings I’d had towards her. I became determined, without even knowing the reason why. All of a sudden I didn’t care about what others might think about it; I didn't even care about what she might think about it. All I cared about was making her recognize how much I wanted her to be with me.

“Is this for real?” I asked myself while I was on the fourth paragraph of my writing. “Yeah, maybe it’s just on a whim.” Feelings are part-whim after all, right? I scribbled almost aimlessly on my notepad, as if I did not know what I was doing. “But there’s one thing I’m very sure of: As much as I can’t believe that I’ve resorted to this, I’m not going to give up.”

Believe it or not, I had been extra gentlemanly these days. Asking if she wanted lunch, accompanying her to the nearest bookstore, joining her study group. I did hope I didn’t seem too desperate to anyone, but for now, I didn’t even care if anyone noticed.

“Where shall we go?” she asked me while we were walking through the gates of Keio University, towards the busy streets of Tokyo.

“I don’t know. I guess anywhere is fine.” I wanted to add, “As long as you’re here with me.”

“Eh? That’s a little bit unplanned on your part, Sakurai-kun,” Rina chuckled. Well, it came out unplanned because I simply did not know what to do. I wish I knew exactly how to act around her so that it would be easier for me as well. “How about your favorite store?”

“Huh?” I panicked inwardly. It’s not that I did not have any favorite stores; it’s just that… maybe she would like to think further about that suggestion a bit.

“Come on,” she nudged my arm with her elbow. “You said anywhere was fine. Wherever that is, I won’t mind. I just want to walk around.”

It was as if she completely read my mind that I was trying to come up with something that would impress her. It couldn’t be helped, that’s the only thing I could think of doing anyway.

“Er, I-I think the music store would be a good idea,” I nearly stuttered, feeling my hands and my insides trembling. My body was beginning to become out of control again.

“So what, so you could see how much Arashi’s records are selling?” she scoffed.

“No!” I tried to scoff, but unfortunately I was unsuccessful at that. It sounded more like a mumbled squeak to me. Where was my idol confidence when I needed it? “I mean, of course that’s not what I want to do there. I’ll just look around if there are new releases that I might be interested in.”

“As expected of an idol! Checking out new music…” Rina nudged me again. “Love your own after all.”

“Y-Yeah,” I mumbled (for real this time) and nodded. Honestly, I had never felt so scared my entire life. I found that truly illogical. I didn’t even know why I was afraid. “Let’s go?”

“Mm,” she nodded as well, seeming more perky than usual. “It’s funny you only brought up your music background and interest now, when I asked you. I’ve heard around the campus that you write your rap lyrics for Arashi.”

My heart skipped a beat – I was so sure about that. “W-Well, I don’t see any reason bringing that up…”

“You’re too humble!” I swear I heard her giggle. “I think it’s okay to mention that once in a while. I mean, there are people who are interested in your life as an idol, right?”

“…are you?” I barely blurted out with all the nonexistent confidence I had left.

“Why, sure!” she playfully hit my arm with her right hand. They say it’s a sign of being comfortable with someone. “It’s not like I have friends who are celebrities.”

And she said it: the word “friend”. I honestly had no idea whether she implied something when she’d said that. Just thinking about it made me go crazy.

“R-Right,” was all I could say back. Then I started to feel a little sad.

“Oh, we’re here,” she pointed at the entrance.

We entered the music store together, but something felt wrong. Somehow, I felt my determination had turned into dust. All what I had promised to myself days before became something unreachable – like they had decided to betray me all at the same time. Every choice I’d had in my head, every word and every gesture, all now were gone in an instant.

Whether it’s because of what she said or it’s because of what I felt, like always, I’d had no idea at all. Maybe I was not really meant for situations like this.

Before the end of the evening, we ate some sushi at a nearby sushi place and headed home. Of course I had to take her home that night. Unfortunately, I did not have any courage to confess how much I liked her, trying to convince myself it’s because I didn’t see any reason in doing that. It was not like I gave up – sometimes I think I just had to. For me, it was because I kept thinking about the future: what would happen if I confessed; what did I have to do next if I confessed? I realized it would become a bigger responsibility from then on. It’s too bad, but I knew I had priorities.

And it’s better to admire her from afar, not expecting anything but inspiration from her, a dream.

---

I'm sorry it had to be a sad ending. Again, I tried to experiment where I actually crushed someone else's dream (since I'm known to write happy endings all the time). That "someone else" being Sho is not intentional though. I guess it just went on with the song -- and also with what I felt when I was writing this. I hope you all liked it, despite that!

As for my lovely flist, I'll check up on you guys very soon. Work for this year ends this week (FREEDOM!!!), and I should be posting tomorrow too, about what the hell is going on in my life right now. Hahaha. Miss you all! ♥